Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend.
Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. Why? Apparently, it is suspicious for a dark-skinned man to drive his white girlfriend home past midnight. It "looks like a kidnapping." FML
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
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